My Story (and maybe yours)

This post is somewhat graphic and may make some of our visitors feel uncomfortable. It takes an incredibly brave person to share something this personal as a means to motivate others to take action. Thanks, DQ.

My father was a child molester. I don't know what he did to random children. I don't even know the totality of what he did to me or my brothers. All I know for sure is that he liked them small.

My grandmother used to say how lucky I was. "You Daddy loves you so much. Did you know he bathed you when you were a baby?" He never "helped out" with my older brothers. Gee, I wonder why?

When I was twelve, one of my older brothers wrestled me to the living room floor. All of my brothers (two, nine, and eleven years older) used to practice half nelsons on me, punch me, grab me. That was pretty much their only way of showing affection, and I didn't mind too much. But this particular time, my Dad joined in. He had an erection and decided to rub it against me repeatedly. Right there with my brother in the room and my Mom in the next.

When I later learned about molestation and rape, I felt like if that happened to you, your life was ruined forever. I didn't know it had happened to me. I knew I didn't really like my Dad but I didn't know what my Dad had done was wrong. I didn't have a word for what he'd done but I knew I hadn't been raped.

There's a lot of my life I have absolutely no memory of. I don't remember much that happened inside my family home we moved from when I was 11. I don't remember almost anything at all from before I entered kindergarten. I'm not sure if that is normal or not but I know people who remember their cribs.

And, of course, I had happy times and good things. I had great teachers and friends and I even had some fun times with my family.

So, why am I telling you all this? This isn't the first, second or third time I've told my story. I don't know why I'm telling you. Southern Dem keeps saying "Women on Wednesdays" is for anything and this is my anything today.

Well, I do know why the subject is on my mind lately. I've been following Screwy Hoolie's coverage of the debacle in state funding for the mentally ill. What I want is for the people who need it to get mental health services. I want veterans and cops to get PTSD treatment as needed. I want kids to be respected when they say they "don't like" someone. I realize we aren't going to stop hurting each other tomorrow. But we do have the ability to care about people today.

That's why I'm telling my story. Because it's your neighbor's story, your sister-in-law's story, your mother's, your grandmother's. And, yes, perhaps it's my father's story, or his father's. Perhaps it's your nephew's story, the boy next door. Perhaps it's yours.

Let's fund services for the mentally ill.

Comments

Thanks DQ

A very good reason to make sure mental health services are available to those who need them and those who don't know they need them.



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Vote Democratic! The ass you save may be your own.

Writing this and editing the video

made for nice contrast. And thanks for the intro. I figure that people who can't handle it would stop at the first sentence but it's nice to warn them first.
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

Healing comes

with the telling.

Let's fund services for the mentally ill.

And let's remember that nobody asks to be molested. Or raped. Or hurt.

Thank you for telling your story here.

_____________
The Den
It's your democracy; use it.

Its hard to say

thanks, because of the nature of the story.

But it did leave me speechless, and it left me proud to say that I am friends with someone willing to share in such an open way. So, thank you for being a good person.

I also thank whoever is in charge upstairs that you came through healthy and happy.

Draft Brad Miller-- NC Sen ActBlue

"Keep the Faith"

DQ - sorry, I forgot to change the author

I wasn't trying to be you. I could never fill your shoes anyway. :)

Robin Hayes lied. Nobody died, but thousands of folks lost their jobs.



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Vote Democratic! The ass you save may be your own.

Bless you for your strength

This'll be the fourth try to get this posted. Appearance is that the server's having heartburn today.

Here it is again:

Thank you for your strength and courage to put a "face" on a set of very real problems. Evil can only continue when it's left in the shadows, unobserved and unspoken.

I don't know a lot about the mental health system in NC, but typically mental health services are far beneath other health services. In NC, the public health system is antiquated and deplorable.

My partner is a 24-year HIV survivor. When we left Florida 6 years ago, he had been able to stay on top of the syndrome. He had T-cells and was able to stay in the gym daily and to function in a near-normal mode. Since we moved back home, we've experience runaround after runaround, doctors who will refuse to dispense the proper meds (but dispense Leviticus freely), doctors who are untrained to handle his conditions and once he was assigned to a gynecologist because she was the only in-plan doctor. Needless to say, he kept the one appointment in order to keep his eligibility, but the doctor was equally floored as he was. Needless to say that his condition has deteriorated considerably.

One doctor completely misprescribed (she didn't bother to read the notes or the prescription nome) and put him in the emergency room. When he went to the next doctor and complained, that doctor said that a walking-around person cannot complain to the board. Only another doctor can. That doctor told him flat-out that "no doctor will". That particular doctor was short on prescribing medicine and long on quoting Leviticus since "queers are going to hell anyway".

Nice :-\

Too often, our health care system (along with our government) is all-too willing to take the lazy way out and blame the victim. (Not coincidentally, so do wackogelicals.)

I can only imagine that NC's notion of a mental health system could only be as deplorable or worse. My prayers are with you on this one. You've got a load to carry around, one that you had no part in taking up. There's sure enough pain to go around, but I hope that it helps when I say "I care". ("That which you do for the least of these, you have done for Me")

"The most unamerican thing you can say is 'You can't say that'" - G. Keillor

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.
Mohandas Gandhi

HillWilliam: I have many gay friends who have

had horrible experiences in the medical system. Just when you are down, you really don't need people judging you for who you are. And one friend thinks a doctor deliberately messed up her biopsy wound because he disapproved of her.

And I have been misdiagnosed so many times it isn't funny. But what bothers me is when medical professionals don't want to accommodate my number one desire:

Please don't touch me without telling me what you are going to do first! Is that so hard?

One doctor really got pissed off.

"Why?" she asked quite rudely.

"Because I was abused as a child."

"Why didn't you put it on the form?"

"There's no place on the form for it."

"You should have checked 'depressed.' "

"But I'm not depressed."
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

Now ain't that just the way

they do a person. "Close enough for government work" just doesn't apply to medicine. There are some good, professional healers in NC, but most of what I've seen are about witch-doctors. We ain't payin' 'em for shaking bones over us. We're payin' 'em for knowing which bones to shake, I swan.

"The most unamerican thing you can say is 'You can't say that'" - G. Keillor

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.
Mohandas Gandhi

I swan . . .

And there's "First do no harm." I don't know how many medicines I've taken where the side effects were worse than the symptoms they were supposed to be treating!

And just TRY to get your insurance to cover treatments outside of western surgery or drugs that actually help and are tons cheaper.
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

That's what landed my husbear

in the E.R. Insult to injury, when they pulled his records and found out that he was Poz, they told him that he would either leave immediately or they would have security escort him out. Bastids. Never mind that his O2 was about 85 and he was purple. I've really had enough of wackogelicals giving Christians and physicians a bad name and I have hit my limit. The next time anyone tries that on him again, they'll be escorting ME out... once they peel me off the ceiling, that is.

BTW, Momo calls me Rev for a reason. I can th'ow Bible back just as fast as they can th'ow it at me. ;-)

"The most unamerican thing you can say is 'You can't say that'" - G. Keillor

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.
Mohandas Gandhi

My Dad was the choir leader

I know all the songs . . . but I've written new lyrics!

What is unclear about that oath western "doctors" take? I guess some of them took the hypocritical oath by mistake.
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

You are not alone...You never will be...

People all around you know what it is to have been such a victom.

You shared this with a lot of people. That may indicate that you are a lot stronger and resilient than you may think.

When I was eleven years old, I was sent to reform school for three months (my summer vacation).

Reform schools in the 1960s were playgrounds for the tenders, but nightmares for the children living in them.
You are not alone in North Carolina. I live here.

Marshall Adame
2014 U.S. Congress Candidate NC-03

Marshall: I don't feel like a victim

I feel like a survivor! He's the victim. He never recovered from whatever made him do such awful things.

I can't imagine what reform school would have been like. But, I know that we all have our stories. No one is immune. Even people who appear rich and happy and fulfilled. We all have something to deal with that sounds really bad to someone else.
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

You all are so wonderful . . .

I knew that and because of that it was easier than you think to hit the "publish" button.

BUt don't put me on a pedestal or anything like that. That was the only thing that made me hesitate.

We all have are dark stories. And as long as we make it safe for people to share (if they want to), and as long as we make sure the needed services are available and affordable to all, we will all heal from them.

Y'all are the best.
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

Oh DQ, this is a hard story to read

I can't imagine the pain you suffered living through it. How hard was it to write?

Every single time I read or view your work, I admire you more. Thank you for sharing this.

No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots.

Progressive Discussions

Oh, momo, I've told so many people

it's not so bad. It's almost like it's not about me anymore.

But I did cry a little this afternoon when I thought of everyone reading it and feeling sorry for me. So, don't feel sorry for me!

And I look around at all the people who need therapy and don't even know it. All those who voted for Bush the second time and have no clue. At all the people who blindly defend the undefendable. The cognitive dissonance of so many Americans who seem to have all the advantages of the world but are hurting people, hurting gays, hurting Iraqis, and why? Because they're scared? Hey, I'll tell you about scared.

But, because I couldn't get through the day without help, I was fortunate enough to figure out that my parents were living a lie, had raised me in a lie and, in many ways, that society was perpetuating their lies. I feel like because I was forced to reevaluate my entire education, I pretty much see the world as it is. And if took being literally screwed to get me to this point, well, then that's okay with me.

I know that's a weird thing to say but it's true.
 
News of the 10th district: See Pat Go Bye Bye,

Hey!

"But I did cry a little this afternoon when I thought of everyone reading it and feeling sorry for me. So, don't feel sorry for me!"

I don't feel sorry for you, DQ. I feel proud to know you! Well, to sorta know you..to be your acquaintance. You remember me, dontcha? I'm the one who dropped the ball...and disappeared. Here I am again, and the post above took three tries. I don't know where the other two are..floating in space, I reckon.

I agree with you about who we are now and how we got to be us. It took a lotta crap, and a lotta strength and growth on our part, so we damned well better be ok about who we are now. Right? Right!

AinKatie....if you're using Internet Explorer try downloading

Firefox. It is a free web browser and the site will work better for you. A lot of sites will.

Nice to see you about again.

Robin Hayes lied. Nobody died, but thousands of folks lost their jobs.



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Vote Democratic! The ass you save may be your own.

Firefox?

Okie dokie..here I go lookin for it. And when, and if, I get it downloaded, I'll come lookin for you to get some help. ;-)

Firefox

It's a nice name..reminds me of fireflies..lightenin bugs. Thanks for being so nice, Southern Dem. I downloaded it, using it now. Haven't explored, but will. Thanks for the idea.

Oooo...I could have provided a link so you didn't have to hunt

It is usually out ahead of IE with the bells and whistles. I think it's pretty user friendly as well. Glad you found it OK. :)

Robin Hayes lied. Nobody died, but thousands of folks lost their jobs.



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Vote Democratic! The ass you save may be your own.

SD you talked about Foxfire

so much that i downloaded it last night. Wow! I can actually open mail that IE wouldn't let me open. I even had a tech come over and he couldn't figure it out. I usually listen, but I don't always do. Now I have yet another e-mail address. I have a hard time keeping up with all my personalities.

Lovex7

just wait until your tab bar looks like this.

This is my "homepage", turned 90 degrees to fit on the blog.
toolbar

One man with courage makes a majority.
- Andrew Jackson

Jesus Swept ticked me off. Too short. I loved the characters and then POOF it was over.
-me

They are tabs.

that is what "opens" when I open Firefox. My tabs sections is much worse, just as Lance.

Jesus Swept ticked me off. Too short. I loved the characters and then POOF it was over.
-me

Uh...

what does "n/t" mean?
No time? No trouble? Noodle-tuna? Noxious tremors? Niggling tripod? Neon twinkies?
I bet you thought this was gonna be easy, DQ.

n/t

nerdy twins?
no tomatoes?
next ticket?
north tackalacky?
narwhal tusk?
nix toodles?

no text?

ya have to fill in something or "it" won't let you post comments.

:)

it's fun having you around here!

My bookmarks

would roll off the desk, out the door, and all the way down to the pond; stop at the neighbor's house, pick up some breadcrumbs to find its way back and head for town. 5 miles away.

I'm waitin'

to see if I can figure out how to DO the tab bar!
What a buncha confusin' stuff! And, so far, I can't even set the font I want..anywhere..egad!

That Which Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us

Stronger.

You've made your cloud into a rainbow and we're all the beneficiaries of your strength.

Thank you.

Thank you, DQ

Reminds me of talk I had with "Lindy" Pendergrass, Sheriff of Orange County (NC) at a street fair several months ago. At one point he said that the thing that could help his job the most would be better mental healthcare in NC because so much law enforcement time is taken up with people who really need help.

Our country seems to turn every international problem into a military problem and every domestic problem into a law enforcement problem. Geez.

Thanks for speaking out, DQ.

-- ge

Besta é tu se você não viver nesse mundo
http://george.entenman.name

Besta é tu se você não viver nesse mundo
https://george.entenman.name

I thank you for sharing, DQ

and appreciate the level of trust it took for you to do so. I've got a story, too...there are so many of us, we form an army. And I'm thankful I survived emotionally til I was able to get therapy. I was in CA, in an affluent, urban location where various types of help were available..some costly, some free. I was able to access what I needed and benefited greatly. I like to think the money I spent, and the programs that others funded, helped me to become a healthier, happier, more productive citizen. I was so lucky I lived where I did and when I did. And I wish that all those folks who could use the kind of help I got in CA could find it here in NC. It's not just about individuals, it's about the future of the communities in which we live and of the state. Thanks again, DQ, and consider yourself hugged.