I got this email from my sister in law who lives in Philadelphia. She is the dumbest smart person I know. My response follows:
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon , Washington ,
Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of
Liberty . You get Dollywood.
We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital
and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax
revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since
our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-
war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.
If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose,
and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's
caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that
the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get
Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah
was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b******ds believe you are people
with higher morals than we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico .
This kind of crap is uncalled for. If it is so bad down here why is everyone moving here? NC recently passed NJ to become the 10th most populous state in the nation?
If you don't like it down here stay up in Pa. with your high unemployment, even higher taxes and crappy weather. If it is so bad down here how come Pa. and NJ send more students to the UNC system and Duke than any state in the nation?
Who gives more per capita to charity? Southern States
We don't have tolls and our roads are better.
I seem to remember that some of the most violent riots against school desegregation happened in the North East.
And you know what, we just went to Dollywood last month. It was clean, we didn't have to hear people dropping f bombs every second word, people were courteous, and it was fun.
Yeah things are not perfect down here but they aren't anywhere. We got our rednecks and our racists but our air is a lot cleaner and our rivers don't catch on fire.
I will finish this with two names from Pa. Arlen Spector and Rick Santorum. Two fine voices of reason from the Keystone St.