"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Senator Elizabeth Dole.
"Papa says, 'If you see it on FOX NEWS it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Senator Dole?
VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see in the liberal media. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little, in the mind of Karl Rove. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge, though not by intelligent design capable of grasping but a fraction of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Senator Dole. She exists as certainly as love and generosity and slavish devotion to George W. Bush exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Senator Dole. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIA or NO OLF. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence, no tundra swans falling in bloody fragments from the sky, no political satire, no snark to make tolerable this blog. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which blogging fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Senator Dole! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the airports and highways in North Carolina to catch Senator Dole, but even if they did not see Senator Dole coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Senator Dole, but that is no sign that there is no Senator Dole. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see, like WMD in Iraq or Osama Bin Laden in Afghanistan. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the Whitehouse lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Don't ask, don't tell. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world by all but the NSA, George Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove and Robert Novak.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what drug makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world of the Administration which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived in these United States, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, and a Special Prosecutor can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and neo-con glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Senator Dole! Thank God! She lives, and she lives forever, through the magic of plastic surgery, at the Watergate in Washington DC. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, she will continue to make glad the heart of Virginia. North Carolina? Not so much.
With apologies to Francis Pharcellus, The Sun, September 21, 1897