to slowly consume on a lazy, rainy Saturday:

(got this in an email and thought I'd share)

THINGS YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(Or be a member of the NCGOP/NRCC/NRSC/RNC)

*Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton

*Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

*The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is inforcing U.N. resolutins against Iraq

*A Woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation

*The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

*If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex

*A good way to fight terrorism is to battle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

*Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism

*HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart, as do all oil companies

*Global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools

*a president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy

*Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the internet

*The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

* Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

* What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant

******FRIENDS NO LONGER LET FRIENDS VOTE REPUBLICAN*****