Republican Voters of South Carolina

The Democratic Party and President Obama’s re-election brain trust are doing cartwheels and giving each other high-fives over the news that Newt Gingrich is surging in the polls in Florida and won the South Carolina primary.

“Thank you, thank you, and thank you. We couldn’t have done it better ourselves! You have just voted for a candidate who is viewed unfavorably by 60% of American voters according to the non-partisan Public Policy Polling organization! If there is less popular American politician not currently serving time in prison, we are not aware of one. We are hoping and praying that other Republican Primary voters follow your example and vote for Newt “open marriage” “grandiose” “dump your wives as soon as they get sick” Gingrich in future primaries.

We believe voters selected Newt for Two Reasons: 1. By calling Obama the “Food stamp President” Gingrich let voters know that he shares their belief that a black man should not be allowed to be in the White House unless he is a butler. 2. When Newt showers liberals and the media with contempt, he’s damn good at it. You really get the idea that Newt hates and resents liberals. Whereas voters get the feeling that Romney personally likes liberals and the media and gets along with them most of the time.

If the GOP does nominate Gingrich, Obama’s re-election is virtually guaranteed. Obama could appoint Willie Horton as Secretary of Defense and turn Camp David into a crack house and still easily beat the cartoonishly detestable Newt Gingrich in a general election.”