Cary "Clam Juice" Allred popped for DWI

Sad, but inevitable:

Former state legislator Cary Allred was charged Tuesday night with driving while impaired. Allred called the charge “police harassment” and said he attempted to take the Intoxilyzer test.

“The officer did not tell me how hard to blow,” Allred said. Allred said he has bronchitis but attempted to blow hard enough for the test to be effective.

Doubtful, Cary. As a professional blowhard, this should have been a breeze.

Burlington police had interacted with Allred earlier in the evening after someone called to complain about two dogs being in a car at the Skid’s restaurant on South Church Street.

Police, Seel said, thought the dogs could be in danger because of the heat and the lack of food and water. Allred disagreed, he said, but ultimately had someone who was with him drive the dogs away because of concerns for their safety. Allred said Wednesday the dogs were in the shade and enjoy being in the car.

I think somebody should ask the dogs about that last part. I seem to remember one of them running away not too long ago, but that could have been due to Allred's driving.

After running a license plate check, Seel said, officers connected the vehicle to Allred and looked for him inside Skid’s before finding him across the street at another restaurant, La Fiesta.

Before anybody says anything, Skids isn't what it sounds like. Okay, it is pretty much what it sounds like, but the food is good. Okay, the food really isn't that good, but it's healthy...okay, forget about Skids.

When they say, "across the street" here, we're not just talking about a major thoroughfare in Burlington, we're talking about a convergence of Highways 70, 54 and 62. I don't even like driving my car through this intersection, and Cary Allred walked across it.

And the place he walked across to, La Fiesta, not only serves beer (not sure about clam juice), but they also serve those mongasso, big-enough-to-give-a-baby-its-bath, salt-incrusted margheuritas. I'm not saying he had one or two of those, but it wouldn't surprise me if he had one or two of those.

Arrest records say the officer, C.E. Gaddis, stopped Allred’s vehicle after he observed it going 10 mph under the speed limit and making an abrupt lane change. They say the officer smelled alcohol and considered Allred to be “glassy-eyed.”

But were they "dark-colored glassy...eyes"...okay, I kind of lost my way there with that joke, but it's still funny. ;)