A bachelor's degree in lottery from UNC

Impossible you say? I don't think so.

In my many years of watching crap ooze from Jones Street, I'd be remiss in thinking I've both seen and heard it all. From Neal Hunt-R and his 75 MPH (excessive speed) bill to the idiots who proposed tolling the majority of North Carolina's ferries, Jim Black-D still holds the record for the most self-righteous legislation in recent memory. Known as the "Payback My Optometrists' Friends Bill", Black proposed having mandating that every child in North Carolina, upon entering school, have an eye exam. Of course these exams would be given by the very same people that got Black elected in the first place; a sort of refilling of pockets previously emptied for political contributions. And as disingenuous as he was obvious, Black, just like his legislation, would soon go up in flames.

So if the North Carolina General Assembly (currently controlled by Republicans) is known for one thing, it's the problematic stupidity that continues to seep from it's walls; and originating from the problematic stupidity of the electorate. Case in point is salary raises for teachers and how to pay for them. Luckily, creativity (minus the meaningful by definition) has struck again. The North Carolina House has now proposed that lottery proceeds be used to increase teacher's pay. And while House Speaker Thom (we were against it before we were for it) Tillis is singing the praises of a solution to this dilemma, the adamant surety seems more profound as noted here:

Rep. Craig Horn, a Weddington Republican and lead education budget writer, said the lottery forecasts are “an exact science” and defended the move. “We are in the process of actually doing what we said we were going to do when the lottery came in,” he said. “It’s the education lottery; well, lo and behold we are going to use the money for education.” N&O

And the same misfits who do not believe in climate change, exact or otherwise, now have a sure bet with North Carolinians purchasing lottery tickets. Educating these citizens will ensure a great return. As the proposed House Committee Substitute for Senate Bill 744 shows, it all starts with education:


The University of North Carolina shall develop and make available to the Department of Public Instruction course and professional development materials explaining the probabilities and other mathematical features of a lottery game for inclusion as a component of high school courses in civics and mathematics. The University of North Carolina shall also make available those same materials to the Office of Non-Public Education in the Department of Administration to be available to other schools.

Perhaps Black was right. We'll need an eye exam (along with an education) to see the windfall floating down from the skies.



Nothing else to say

Budget problem solved

Now that we know that the state lottery budget process is an exact science, all we need to do is increase the lottery advertising budget to, say, 75% of revenues. The only problem we'll have to deal with it finding enough warehouses to store the cash. Just think -- the more money we spend on advertising, the more we rake in!

GUARANTEED! Because it's an exact science!

And Craig Horn is an exact dumbass.

"I will have a priority on building relationships with the minority caucus. I want to put substance behind those campaign speeches." -- Thom Tillis, Nov. 5, 2014

Stam's cognitive dissonance

More on lottery funding (or moron lottery funding):

While some NC Republicans are trying to use the lottery to fund teacher raises, at least one Republican is trying to kill the lottery.

The plan by leaders in the state House to finance teacher pay raises by juicing lottery sales includes language that clamps down on lottery advertising – and could make it difficult for the lottery to raise the millions projected for raises.

House leaders are budgeting $106 million more from the lottery to offer teacher pay raises, but that figure does not take into account more advertising restrictions that were also written into the budget, the lottery’s executive director, Alice Garland, acknowledged in an interview Wednesday.

State Rep. Paul Stam, an Apex Republican and lottery critic, wrote the restrictions. He said they are tough enough that they should significantly hamper the lottery.

Yep, even though there's no proof that the goose can actually lay golden eggs, the Skipper is trying to kill it anyway.

Stam said the new restrictions mirror a bill he filed last year, known as the Honest Lottery Act, that he said “plants the seeds of the ultimate destruction of the lottery.”

Seems that the NC GOP is planting lots of seeds that lead to ultimate destruction.

"I will have a priority on building relationships with the minority caucus. I want to put substance behind those campaign speeches." -- Thom Tillis, Nov. 5, 2014

Stam gets to rail against the

Stam gets to rail against the lottery, bless his heart, knowing there's zero chance in hell of his voice getting heard. Meanwhile, the hypocrisy train keeps running and running and running.

Next we'll be funding road repairs through taxes on legalized prostitution. Oh wait. We're already doing that.